Nervous Dog? Try This Body-Mind Approach #113

In this episode, Mary Debono blends neuroscience, practical techniques, and compassionate understanding to give dog owners new tools for helping their anxious companions.

By the end, you'll understand how to transform your relationship with your dog through physical and emotional connection, ultimately giving them the confidence to face challenges with calm assurance.

Learn how Connected Breathing and Rhythm Circles can reset your dog's nervous system, build confidence, and create new neural pathways – all through gentle, compassionate connection. 

Key Takeaways

1. Anxiety in dogs is natural and should never be punished; corrective approaches typically worsen the problem.
2. Your emotional state directly impacts your dog's anxiety level - learn to check in with your own tension and breathing patterns.
3. Connected Breathing creates a calming bond between you and your dog, helping regulate both nervous systems simultaneously.
4. Rhythm Circles activate special receptors (CLTMs) that stimulate bonding hormones and help dogs become more resilient to stress.
5. Start in a quiet, comfortable environment before gradually exposing your dog to triggers, always staying under threshold.
6. These hands-on explorations don't just relax your dog – they stimulate neuroplasticity, creating new neural pathways and interrupting habitual responses.
7. A multi-faceted approach works best: hands-on work, positive reinforcement training, and veterinary support when needed.
8. Learning isn’t linear; be patient, compassionate, and enjoy the journey with your dog.

Resources:

Grab your FREE videos on Connected Breathing and Rhythm Circles to help your dog. 🐕 https://www.marydebono.com/lovedog 💥

Get your free videos on Connected Breathing and Rhythm Circles with your horse. 🐎https://tinyurl.com/equine-videos

Want to learn even more? Check out our Move with Your Horse Foundations group coaching program. 💥 Use coupon code EARLYSTART to get bonus classes AND save $200 with early enrollment! 🥳 This is a limited time offer. 💥

Get Mary’s bestselling, award-winning book, “Grow Young with Your Dog,” for a super low price at: https://tinyurl.com/growyoungwithyourdog. Demonstration videos are included at no extra cost.


All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and does not constitute medical or veterinary advice or professional training advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you, your horse, or your dog are unwell or injured.  Always use extreme caution when interacting with horses and dogs.

Email [email protected]

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, do you have a dog that gets anxious? Maybe your dog has what people refer to as reactive behavior. Maybe around other dogs, loud cars, skateboards, strollers, bicycles, or something else. Right. It's pretty common. And you know this. Hi, do you have a dog who gets anxious? Maybe around skateboards, strollers, cars, other dogs or just generally nervous? Well, if so, I have the episode for you today. My name is Mary DeBono and this is the Easier Movement, Happier Life podcast.

And yeah, it's all about you, your horses and your dogs. So last week we talked about helping a herd bound horse, a horse who got very anxious when he was taken away, you know, separated from the herd. And today, as promised, we're going to talk about an anxious dog and not just one particular situation of anxiety, but general anxiety. Again, there could be many, many reasons for why your dog is anxious in certain situations.

So the first thing I want to emphasize is that anxiety is pretty natural. You know, it's not something that you want to try to punish or correct out of your dog. So let's be super clear on that right at the get go. You know, I know that there are some methods want you to be, you know, trying to convince your dog through punitive means that that's not good behavior, but that tends to just make the problem worse, usually a lot worse.

So we don't want to do that. So just like, you know, people get anxious in certain situations, right. And yelling at them or even worse things would not make that person feel more secure and confident. Right. So we want to find a way and I have some suggestions to help your dog feel more confident, calm and confident in their life. Okay? So, you know, I'll tell you the story about my dog Ruby, who's no longer with us.

She was adopted. We adopted her when she was about 4 years old. We had her for over 13 years and she was an amazing dog. We had adopted her from the county animal shelter, what people refer to as the pound. And they said that her owner had relinquished her, didn't want her anymore. And you know, that happens for a variety of reasons. I'm grateful that the person didn't just throw her on the street.

Right. So there's that. But not too long after we had adopted Ruby, I mean, it wasn't right away. It was maybe a week or so into it. We were walking her, Gary and I, my husband and I were walking Ruby and our other dog, Chester, down the sidewalk in a little coastal, coastal area of San Diego. And you know, they're just trotting along Normally, and suddenly this young guy on a skateboard, he was in the middle of the road, so he wasn't real close to us or anything, but he comes skating by.

And Ruby went bananas. You know, she's. She barked and lunged towards him, but then she did something that was really, really heartbreaking. She threw herself on the ground and started to cower. Now, the skateboarder was long gone. This wasn't. She wasn't cowering because of the skateboarder. She was cowering. What Gary and I felt it was like, so obvious that she was expecting us to react to her lunging and barking towards the skateboarder.

And we had other evidence, too. Just, I mean, nothing that we could prove, but just based on other behaviors, that she was probably treated very harshly. So this wasn't building her confidence. It wasn't helping her deal with skateboards or, we found out basically any wheel thing. She didn't mind cars, except if they were convertibles. She didn't like those. She didn't like motorcycles, bicycles, strollers. Again, skateboards, anything like that, she really, really didn't like.

She also had issues with other dogs. Not her own dog, Chester. She. She was fine with him, but other dogs that she would meet on a walk. So it was more like what people refer to as leash aggression, which often is based in fear, right? Because dogs know they're more vulnerable when they're on a leash. Okay? So that's what we were dealing with. She had a lot of these things, actually.

Even if a person ran by, she was reactive to that. They didn't have to be on roller skates or a skateboard, but if they ran by her, okay, that was a problem. So, anyway, I will. I will tell you how we dealt with all that, but I'm going to give you some things that you can do right away for your own dog as well, okay? And the first thing is to check in with your own emotional state.

Okay? Because your dog is incredibly attuned to you. They. They can tell how you're breathing, right? They can tell if you feel stressed. They can tell where your attention is. So first things first. Center yourself. Take a moment, notice how you're breathing. Ask yourself, can you let go of any unnecessary effort in your body, any unnecessary tension, just let it melt away. And this, of course, is easier to do when you are in a calm environment.

And it's almost like it's something you have to practice, if you will. You have to get good at that, at noticing where you have unnecessary tension, because a lot of times you don't even know you have it right. Your shoulders might be up by your ears and you don't even realize it because it's so habitual. So get into, you know, this idea that every once in a while throughout the day you check in with yourself.

Where can I let go? Maybe around your eyes or your mouth, your jaw, right? Maybe your hands. Maybe as you're driving, you're gripping your steering wheel really hard. So start to really become more self aware of how you're, you know, manifesting this tension in your body, both in your body and in your mind. Okay? So that's number one, because remember, it's like you're creating this feedback loop with your dog and as your dog maybe is stressed, you get more stressed and that makes your dog more stressed and it's all that.

So you want to interrupt that downward spiral. So get a whole, you know, concentrate on yourself first and you can do this. Like if you're in a place like you're at home and you're in a quiet environment, you could lie on the floor and just go from head to toe or something you might want to do in bed before you go to sleep or before you wake up.

Where can I let go of tension? Just do like a progressive relaxation. Okay. And check in again with your breathing. Okay? So now let's start talking about working with your dog. Now what's important, we talked about this last week when I talked about the herd bound horse is picking the right environment so that you can best help your dog. So you want to pick the time of day and the location where your dog is the most comfortable.

Maybe that's in your bedroom at 6:00pm, you know, after your dog's, you know, had dinner, you know, and it's quiet, right. Or maybe it's early in the morning in the living room, maybe it's in the backyard at 12 noon, you know, wherever your dog is most comfortable. And also remember to think about the time of day. If your dog is expecting exercise, you know, a walk, you don't want to interfere with that.

If your dog is hungry, right. That's not going to be very relaxing either. So pick the time and the location where you feel you can best serve your dog. And make sure, like if you, if you live with other people, kids, partners, whoever, make sure that, that they're leaving you alone. Okay. That they're not going to cause a distraction. Right. Maybe unintentional, but we don't want to do that.

Okay? So one of the first things that I talk to people about When. When it comes to helping quiet a dog or a horse or a cat or anyone is this idea of connected breathing. It sounds so simple. It's fairly simple and it's really profound, okay? And what it involves is you placing your hands on your dog's rib cage, if your dog is okay with that. If your dog is not, you can put them somewhere else, or you don't need to touch your dog at all.

You don't actually technically even need to be in the same room at first, but you're going to start to just simply listen to your dog's breathing with your hands. And when I'm semi joking about not necessarily be having to be in the same room, it's at first. You know, there are some dogs that really don't want to be touched, but by you sitting quietly somewhere else and not putting pressure on them, right?

They will often then be attracted to you and you might find then that then they come a little closer, or maybe they come and. And sit or lie right near you, okay? So what's important is that you're not putting undue pressure on your dog. You're not asking your dog to do something that they're not comfortable with, okay? That's really important. So let's say now you're in a situation where you can put your hands on your dog's rib cage or simply put your hands in your lap, but you're just observing the rise and fall of your dog's ribcage with the breath, and you're not judging it.

You're not wondering if you're doing it right or anything else. You just being present with your dog, you're noticing the sensations, right? Whether your hands are on your dog's rib cage or maybe they're on your own thighs, you're just feeling the sensations, right? This helps to focus your attention, okay? And get you out of all those thoughts that we're constantly being bombarded with. So we want to focus our attention by focusing on physical sensations and things we can observe, okay?

Things that come in through our senses. So that's really, really important. Now when I do connected breathing, I like to. To really take it into like a body, mind and spirit components. So I think about as I'm breathing in, right? The. The breath is getting filtered through my heart, right? And as I breathe out, it's also getting filtered through my heart. And I'm breathing out love and appreciation for my dog, and I'm breathing in my dog's love and appreciation for me.

Now, maybe this is a brand New dog you're doing this with and you think, I don't know if my dog loves or appreciates me. They do. So just take that in. So often we don't do it reciprocally. Like, in other words, we are constantly focusing on what I, quote, unquote, have to do for my dog. And we don't take that other step of kind of closing that loop of, yes, they're sending you love and gratitude as well.

So I like to think of this as, like, I, I imagine it as a, an infinity loop that I am sending out through my heart. It's like my breath gets filtered through, my heart goes out and I'm sending out love and appreciation, right? My dog breathes that in and then I, and then exhales and then I breathe that in. Now, you don't have to time your breath or do anything, you know, that convoluted with your dog.

It's just, just breathe in a relaxed way. And, and I suggest you imagine this infinity loop of the breath. It's like, it's a, it's a way of connecting you with your dog. So even if you're not touching your dog, it's like you have this connection through the breath. And I like to give the breath a color. And again, this is just your. In your imagination, could be silver, it could be gold, it could be light blue, could be green, it could be whatever color you want it to be.

But it's nice to visualize it. And I found, and this works very, very well with horses as well. And you can do this even in the saddle. I have found that it can really, really help calm an animal. And you're also calming your own nervous system by doing it. Okay? So this is super important. It serves as kind of like a reset. So it quiets the noise and that tension, you know, contributes to your nervous system.

So if, if you or your dog is dealing with mental tension or physical tension, right? Discomfort of some kind, right? It's like background noise in the nervous system. What breathing can do is quiet that down, right? So you have more like a clean slate to work from. Okay? So very, very important. And I have put a link in the description where I actually demonstrate how I'm doing this with a dog.

And then some other stuff that I'm going to talk about today as well. We're going to. That. That will also be videos that you can learn from. Now, something I want to say about this whole idea of love and appreciation. So, number one, animals are incredibly sensitive to the energy of appreciation, which is A good thing. And the HeartMath Institute, which does a lot of work with heart rate variability, which is like a biometric for physical and cognitive performance.

They have found over the years, there's been a lot of studies with this that when you're in that state of appreciation, when you're in gratitude, it puts you in more optimal heart rate variability, which again is a higher performing state for you both physically and cognitively. Okay. So this is a really great state to be in. So that's why if you think about religious traditions from around the world for, you know, centuries and centuries, right.

One thing that they have in common, so many of them, is they talk about the value of gratitude. And there's a lot of reasons for this that affect you emotionally but also affect you physically. Right. It actually changes your physiology, which is measured with heart, you know, the heart rate variability metric. So it's really, really a nice thing to do for both you and your animal when you, when you do connected breathing.

And the other thing is, what I love about this, this is good, I hate to use the word training, but in other words, it's a great learning tool for you as well because later on we're going to talk about this today, you're going to be in more challenging situations with your dog. You're going to leave the bedroom or the living room or the backyard. And since you've been doing the connected breathing, which you can think of kind of like as a meditation with your dog, right, that's going to put you in a better place.

In other words, you'll be more prepared when you're out there in the real world and maybe dealing with that skateboarder that goes by or you see another dog coming towards you right now, you have more control over your own internal state. Okay? So very, very important. Okay. Another really powerful tool I call rhythm circles. And again, I, I can't teach it to you over this podcast. However, I do have video training for you.

Right. So I will have a link in the description for those videos. And this, again, it's very, very important for dogs. It's very, very important for horses and other animals as well. But I'll just explain it briefly here. It's a, it's a, it's a hands on move that I, you know, that I've designed that is very, very particular. It's very specific because, and I'll just say it again very quickly, what you're doing is you're moving the dog's tissue, in other words, their, their skin and a little bit of muscle, right?

You're moving it around in, like, a circular fashion, but not. It doesn't even have to be a complete circle. What you're doing is you're emphasizing one direction, like in an arc, right? And then you release it in an arc. So it's usually a circle or a circular ish. I don't get hung up on if it's a full circle or not. But when you do the training, again, those are free videos.

When you do it, you'll see what I'm talking about because I'll. I encourage you to do it on yourself first, and you'll feel the difference. If you do it evenly, like using even pressure in a circle, it's very different than if you, like, scoop the tissue and you hold it and you breathe, and then you release it in an arc. It's very, very different. So now, what's so special about these rhythm circles?

Well, number one is we tend to do them. I encourage you to do them rhythmically. Now, when you do something rhythmically, that's a wonderful way to regulate the nervous system so your nervous system quiets and your dog's nervous system quiets. Okay? Super important. The other thing is that it's. It's a gentle touch, and it's done slowly. It's not quick. We're not doing, like, little fast circles. This is slow, right?

Also encourages you to breathe, right? Because you're holding it, you're taking a breath, and you're releasing it now. So because it's light and slow, it activates particular receptors in the dog. We have receptors all over the body. So do our dogs. And in all kinds of mammals, they have particular receptors called CLTMs. And these receptors actually get processed in the emotional part of your dog's brain or horse, by the way.

And what's so cool about that? You think, well, who cares about these receptors? They actually stimulate the release of different hormones that are. That help your animal bond more deeply with you, which is pretty, pretty darn cool. They also have done studies in mammals that when these receptors are stimulated, those animals are more resilient to stress. So that's a really wonderful thing because we know that it's the stress, right, that's causing that anxiety loop that happens.

So both you and your dog benefit from that. Now, in addition to that, the. The. When I'm talking, and this may not make sense just listening to the podcast, so please, please go get that training. It's free. The video, when you're moving the. The tissue around the dog's tissue or the horse's tissue. Right? And I, I'm saying tissue, it's like the skin, it's the muscle underneath. Right. It's light, though.

You're not digging into your animal. What you're doing is you're providing a sense of support, right. Which allows them, the dog or the horse, to let go because you're relieving the tension in that tight tissue. This is really important because what you're doing is you're actually creating a tactile conversation. In other words, you and your dog are having a conversation with your hands and your dog is listening, right?

They're paying attention to what you're doing, and their nervous system is responding. And you're responding based on what your dog is, is how your dog is responding. You're responding to the response, right? So, for example, you might notice your dog taking a deeper breath. Well, you know, then you're on the right track. Or you may see a softening around the eyes and the mouth. Right? So there's all kinds of ways that you're going to tell that, oh, yeah, this is really, really helpful for my dog.

And it may not happen right away. Okay? You need to be patient with your dog because they don't know what you're doing. Okay. But the work itself, if you do it just patiently, you're not going to correct or force it on an animal. Right? They. I have seen it to be then appreciated. I'll say. Okay, so again, it's very hard to describe just in a podcast, but go check out the trainings.

So now, so now once you've established all of this in, you know, a quiet place, right, where there aren't any distractions, where your dog is feeling comfortable, now it's time to step out of the bedroom or the living room and maybe you're taking a walk down the street. Now, you want to make sure that you start at a. A place where it's not going to be too. It's not going to be at all over threshold for your dog.

In other words, you don't take your dog into the den of lions right away. Right. If you know that your neighborhood has a lot of noisy cars or skateboards or dogs or whatever it is that your dog is worried about, you go somewhere else, maybe the quiet section of a park. So even if it means you put your dog in the car and you, you know, you drive somewhere, you go somewhere where it's a little step, just a gradual step from the bedroom or the living room, but not that, you know, intense, right?

You Want to make sure you stay under threshold for your dog. And so it's enough of a challenge, but not too much of a challenge. And now here again, I would encourage you if, for example, let's say you did pick a quiet spot in the park time of day, that there aren't a lot of other people or dogs or kids on roller skates or whatever, and now maybe you start doing the connected breathing and the rhythm circles in the park, right?

So now you're transferring that feeling of calm, confident connection that you and your dog have. Now you're transferring that to something outside of your house, your home, right? And this is a great way. So now just say, oh, somewhere off in the distance someone is walking a dog. And that is something maybe that in the past would get your dog over threshold. Well, now you can restore that sense of ease by doing the connected breathing and the rhythm circles, okay?

So you, and then you start going to gradually little, little bit more challenging situations. But, but the key thing is you don't want to go over a threshold. So this can take a while. It can take a while. So, and what I want to emphasize is that this work that I'm talking about, and by the way, we do a lot more than people who have gotten my book grow young with your dog or you know, have studied with me.

They, there's many, many, many different hands on moves that I teach and they're for different things help many variety of situations for your dog. You know, whether it's mobility, recovering from injuries, whatever it is. But this isn't just about relaxation. Want to be really clear about that? It's not about just relaxing your dog. There's a lot of ways to relax a dog. It's not just about this. What we're doing is we're stimulating the creation of new neural pathways, right?

We're creating, you know, it's, we're stimulating and promoting what they call neuroplasticity, your dogs and your, your ability, your nervous system's ability to adapt to new sensory stimulation, right. Basically to adapt to the environment. So by you touching your dog with the connected breathing and the rhythm circles, right, you are helping your dog feel differently. And when they feel differently in their body, right. It starts to interrupt their habitual responses.

They no longer feel the same, right? They feel better, they have more options. So this is really, really crucial. This is about put, helping them get into a state where they recognize they don't need to be stuck in their habits. Okay? So by feeling differently physically, you can also free them emotionally it puts them into a different learning state. This is all about learning, okay? So again, it takes them out of.

Of out of the habitual. And it's just like we have all these habits of how we sit, how we stand, how we move, and how we think. Well, your dog has habits, too. So they can get habituated into these states of tension, both physical and emotional tension. And by you using your hands in these specific ways, you can help release them from that so they have more options in life.

And that really is the heart of the de bono moves approach that I teach. It's to give yourself and your animals more options in life so that you can move easier and feel happier together. So let me tell you something about Ruby, my dog, Ruby. So I mentioned her earlier about how she was. She had a lot of reactive behaviors. And so, of course, I was working with her.

Right. Which helped change her state. Now, I will also say, and I suggest you think about this as well, I also used positive reinforcement training with her. I'm a big advocate of that. And I have worked with dogs my whole life. I've used that forever. And it's a wonderful way to help change a dog's association with something that they used to be afraid of. And actually, before we get too much into that, let me say this.

It's also really, really important that you get your dog checked out by a veterinarian, especially if you're dealing with severe anxiety or. Or aggression or anything like that. You want to make sure that a veterinarian has ruled out any kind of medical issue. And matter of fact, it's actually a good idea. Again, if you're dealing with a serious issue that maybe you consult with a veterinary behaviorist. Okay.

A certified veterinary behaviorist, they might be able to really give you other tools to help your dog. Okay? And then another thing I would. I'm going to advocate for is working with a proper positive reinforcement trainer. Now, and the way I say proper is the reason I said that is because I have seen, unfortunately, a lot of people that say, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm a positive reinforcement trainer.

And, yeah, they also use shock collars and prong collars and other things. No, no, no, no, no. And they. And then if they're pushed, they'll say they're balanced or they're hybrid or some other thing like that. I have found that to be not good for dogs. Okay? Not good. Especially if you're dealing with an anxious dog. I mean, it's my opinion, of course, so take it as you wish.

But my opinion is that the positive reinforcement method is the way to go. So if you are interviewing trainers, and I do hope you interview them and not just, you know, hire the first one you meet, unless they're really, really good and you're convinced of that through the interview, but to really drill down and find out what methods they use and maybe speak to other clients or something, because that's really, really important.

We want to build up the dog's confidence. Okay? We don't want to do anything aversive with the dog. That just makes matters worse. So. But let me. Let me tell you a quick story, and then we'll wrap up the episode. So one day I was. I was again walking Ruby and our dog Chester, walking down the street. We had come from the park, and this time Gary wasn't there.

And I'm walking down, and I never heard this lady. I just didn't hear her. But suddenly there was a woman with a baby in a baby stroller and a dog, and she was running, and she came right next to us. We were on the sidewalk, and she was basically in the gutter. Like, she was right next to us. And, okay, this is where it was. So good. This is what Ruby did.

She saw the woman and the stroller and the dog and all those things, right? All of her, basically. It was like all her previous triggers rolled into one. And you know what she did? She's walking down the street, she turned around, she sat, and she looked at me. And she's basically saying, well, where's my biscuit? You know, I was so proud of her. I cannot tell you how proud I was, but I was one proud mama because I had no idea that woman was coming.

You know, and the dog and the stroller and the whole thing and the running, it was again, all her previous triggers. And so that was the result. So I just want to say that there is hope. This is not generally a quick fix. This is a process. So please be patient and remember that you might get ups and downs. It's like your dog might seem, you know, really okay for a little while and then suddenly react to something, right?

And then be okay again. You know, that is a part of the learning process. So please be patient with yourself, be patient with your dog, and just have fun with it. Like, be curious, be kind, be compassionate, and enjoy your dog. So thank you so much for joining me. I hope this was helpful. Let me know what you're dealing with. You can always reach out to me. Marydebono.com

make sure that email is also linked in the description. Don't forget to grab your free video training. And we also have a rider Free video training. You'll hear about it in just a moment. So thank you so much and I look forward to talking to you again soon. Bye for now.